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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  December 30, 2015 11:35pm-12:37am EST

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turning cooler, low of >> welcome stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ( band playing intro music ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: whoo! welcome to the show, everybody! yeah! thank you so much! hey, thanks everybody! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: that is lovely. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: i think that was new. that was new. thank you very much. that was amazing. that's the first time ever down here they were going "ste" and up there they were going "phen." very nice coordination! thanks everybody, thanks for coming to the show. i'm your host, stephen colbert.
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i love my job, but i gotta say, show business, she is a stern mistress. and i'm pretty sure she's forgotten my safe word. i made it clear that it was "pumpkin patch." right off the tee here i've got to deal with some show business business. last night i had on the great marion cotillard, star of the new film "macbeth." she was a lot of fun. but after the interview, immediately afterwards, i started getting a lot of calls and e-mails from my old theater friends telling me they were worried because there was an old superstition that if you say the word "macbeth" in a theater, you will suffer a terrible curse. last night i did say macbeth a few times. my first guest is the academy- award winning actress, you know her from such movies as "la vie en rose," and "inception." she now stars as the leading lady in "macbeth." macbeth.
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macbeth. macbeth! i said it a lot, but it's ridiculous to expect me to talk about the movie "macbeth" without saying the word macbeth. it's all nonsense. i mean, macbeth. macbeth. macbeth. >> whoooo! aaaah! ye shall pay! >> stephen: who are you? >> i'm a goooo-st! >> stephen: you mean "ghost?" >> aye, a scottish goooo-st! i shall forever haunt you because you said the name of the scottish play. >> stephen: you mean "macbeth?" >> ye did it again! don't be sayin' that name, ye sheep's bastard! >> stephen: not a very nice thing to call me. what is the problem with saying the word? >> it is forbidden. >> stephen: i understand that part but why is it forbidden? >> oh, i don't know. just tradition i guess. it's just for fun. >> stephen: well, if it's for fun anybody should be able to say it. you should be able to say it.
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>> ooohhh ye shall pay! ye shall pay! i shall haunt ye forever because you've said the name of the scottish-- >> yes, i said the name of the scottish play. look what you made me do. >> i'm a goooo-st! >> stephen: i know you're a ghost but i've got to do my show now. do you mind? >> go ahead do your shoooow. who do you have on? >> stephen: well, i've got a lot of people on tonight. it's a pretty good show. first i'm talking to the stars of "downton abbey," michele dockery, hugh bonneville and allen leach. ( cheers and applause ) that's a very excited crowd. >> very classy. i've always wanted to haunt that place. >> stephen: then, i'll be sitting down with the director of "the big short," mr. adam mckay.
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>> he directed "anchorman," and he founded funny or die. i wish i'd chosen funny. >> stephen: and finally we'll have a performance from singer- songwriter kurt vile. ( cheers and applause ) nothing? you got nothing to say? >> oh, i heard good things. he got a pretty nice review in rolling stoooone! >> oh, that's the sound of jon batiste and stay human. say hello, everyone. >> stephen: say hi, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) >> they're about to hit the ignition on a one-way rocket to the groove nebula, but before they do, one more thing: >> stephen: can i talk now? >> aye. go ahead. >> stephen: people in england have launched a campaign to ban ( bleep ).
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keep going! keep going. people in england have launched a campaign to ban donald trump from the u.k. that's odd, i thought the british liked spotted dick. ( band playing "late show" theme ) >> tonight, stephen welcomes "downton abbey's" michelle dockery, hugh bonneville, and allen leech. director adam mckay, and a musical performance by kurt vile. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now it's time for "the late
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! thank you, ladies and gentlemen. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: yeah! >> stephen: thank you, jon. hey everybody. welcome to hour two of tonight's broadcast. ( laughter ) you know, sometimes on this show, i like to talk about what everybody else is talking about, sort of like the nation's water cooler conversation. oh, california, you might wanna ask oregon what water is. ( laughter ) but right now what everyone everywhere is talking about is donald trump and the press release that he put out in which he said, "donald j. trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of muslims entering the united states until our country's representatives can figure out what is going on." he wants to ban muslims, a fourth of the world's
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how is that going to work? i'm not sure how the t.s.a. would be able to test you for your religion. though i will say their patdowns are thorough enough to determine if you're jewish. ( laughter ) ( applause ) usually have to pay somebody a fair amount of money to do that to me. or perhaps we can just casually ask people trying to enter the country, "hey, i'm trying to re- calibrate my compass. do you know which direction mecca is?" ( laughter ) but here's the thing, i don't know why everyone is so surprised. trump has already proven he's willing to offend every group in america except white people, and frankly, as a white person, i feel left out. it's his entirirelectoral strategy. trump says something shocking, then all of us on tv spend days repeating it, giving him millions of dollars worth of free air time. so i would rather not give him
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agree with this bipartisan message from republican senator lindsey graham and democratic philadelphia mayor michael nutter. >> tell donald trump to go to hell. >> he's an ass(bleep). ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: donald, donald-- i didn't think it was possible anymore, but you have brought a nation together. and now i will never talk about you again for, like, six minutes. but i don't have to, because there are plenty of other candidates to talk about, a cornucopia of people you don't know are running for president, and care even less. but there's somebody out there that people care about but i haven't talked about in a while and it's hillary clinton. even though she's the presumptive democratic nominee, these days she's harder to find than her emails. and i don't think that's a coinkydink.
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poll has her ahead of rival bernie standers, 58% to 30%, with former maryland governor martin o'malley registering just 2%. exactly the same as the milk that is more exciting than him. and that 2% is up from 1.8% in november. that's a .2% surge that some are calling "martin o'mentum." ( laughter ) not many. just me so far, but some. and it appears secretary clinton isn't willing to risk her lead by doing something crazy like going out in public. just look at the democrats' debate schedule. so far they have had one primetime weeknight debate, and their next debate is on cnn, december 19, the saturday before christmas, otherwise known as the tv scheduling phantom zone. the only ones watching will be people stranded at the airport weeping into their panda
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( laughter ) and i don't think this is an accident. i don't think this is an accident at all, and neither do hillary clinton's rivals. they're accusing that the debate schedule was put together to protect hillary clinton. the smaller the audience, the less likely it is for clinton to have a prominent stumble and lose her lead. exactly! hillary can avoid having any big gaffes if she sticks to small audiences. so to play it safe, i suggest she appear only at martin o'malley events. ( laughter ) so-- with hillary clinton awol, you can see why i am so tempted to boot up some of the orange pony. because he is always talking on the camera. but you know what? there are other candidates who are talking on camera, too, like former neurosurgeon and eyelid advertising opportunity, dr. ben
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( laughter ) last week, dr. carson went before the republican jewish coalition and told them how he'd handle the palestinian terror group hamas. >> the challenge is the split between fatah and hummus. fatah and hummus operate in a constant state of conflict. hummus rules the gaza strip. >> stephen: it's true, it's true. ( laughter ) ( applause ) hummus does rule the gaza strip. and, frankly, we all falafel about it. and the efforts to fix it have been pita-ful. no wonder they dominate the baba gha-news cycle. so if i can just offer a tahini bit of perspective here, i believe america cannot take our
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because terrorism is a greater threat than globalalha-warming. and if you think this situation is just going to go away, you're couscous. ( cheers and applause ) mmm! that is thick. but again, carson is not the only one to talk about. what about jeb bush? ( laughter ) sorry, i blacked out there for a second. i must have been talking about jeb bush. ( cheers and applause ) sorry about that. tell you what, we'll be right back. what was i talking about, oh,
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. waaah! my guests tonight are stars of the hit show "downton abbey," which is about to begin its final season. please welcome hugh bonneville, michelle dockery, and allen leech, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) hugh, michelle, allen. lovely to see you. thank you so much. first things first, you're theater people, right? >> ish, yes. >> stephen: is that macbeth thing real? do people actually say-- ( laughter ) one down. one down. two to go. ( laughter ) >> stephen: wait, what is that? what did you do? >> there's something about you have to leave the room, spit, swear, and turn three times or something like that and then it's okay. >> stephen: then you're allowed to come back in? >> so, macbeth.
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unsanitary, frankly. it's the sixth season, starts broadcasting here in the states january 3. you guys finished shooting it last summer. >> yup. >> stephen: it's already been broadcast in england. no spoilers, please. it's not only a big hit in the u.k., an enormous hit in the united states, but it's been called the most popular show in the world. do different people enjoy it differently? like, do you get different reactions from different fans around the world? >> it's been fairly universal, actually. i mean, in all the territories around the world that it's played, it seems to have done okay. i mean, i did-- i had a letter from china the other day. >> stephen: really. >> saying what a fascinating depiction of chinese society it was. ( laughter ) >> stephen: you were sort of a mao tse dong character. >> you had an experience somewhere strange. >> i was in jakarta, and i came out at the airport, and one of the taxi drivers came out of the queue and ran up to me and went, "tom branson." and i went, "yeah." and he goes, "i drive."
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( laughter ) >> stephen: michelle, your character lady mary, julian fellowes, the creator, says he loves that you're willing to play someone who is at times unlikable. >> yeah, for me it's the most fun thing about playing her is that she -- >> stephen: you don't mind that at all? >> no, love it that she -- >> stephen: is a complete tool to her sisters? it's terrible. >> for me it's far more interesting to play. when she's being nice, i get a bit bored. >> stephen: after living for six years in 1 1 years ago, let's say, is there anything from that time period you think, "yeah, that would be good to keep around again." >> manners. >> stephen: what? >> basic manners. >> because you have none. ( laughter ) >> just to you. ( laughter ) i think it would be nice to have proper manners again. men be gentlemen, you know. i think that's been lost. >> you're a gentleman. >> that's why we're in the show,
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( laughter ) >> stephen: i think one of the things that i suspect makes the show so alluring and seem in some ways like a fairy tale to us in the united states is just how classy all your accents are. i think part of the people for americans we hear that accent and think of it as very classy. i'd like to try an experiment right now, if you don't mind. you can guys try an american accent for me? these are actual-- michelle, that's for you. allen, over there. hugh, this is for you. this is a scene from "downton abbey," an actuauascene, where you're trying it decide what to do to cover the costs because you're hard up for money, and i would like it if you could please do it with american accents, not british accents, and see if it doesn't bring you peoplele. ( cheers and applause ) ...just bring you people down to earth a little bit. >> see if you still like us.
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are we open on "downton abbey," scene in progress. >> what are we doing here? ( laughter ) >> i want to explain why i think we should turn down wavel's offer. >> i know we are only the caretakers of downton, but, dad, some things have to change. >> true. ( laughter ) true, but we mustn't destroy what we're trying to protect. wavel would wreck this ugly place forever with his ugly, cheap houses. >> but you can't block all development. >> oh, no. no, honey, i won't. i intend to expand but without spoiling. i'm going to make a plan and find a solid builder who can fit into the village and not ruin it. >> hey, guys, that may be hard to achieve. ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ) >> it may be harder than cashing wavel's check, but does that
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>> no! >> we will build. we'll even make money for the estate, but we won't destroy what people love about this place. do you think that's wrong? >> no, it's not wrong. >> hey, let's just forget about this. mary, who are you wearing? ( laughter ) ( applause ). >> stephen: and scene! ( cheers and applause ) you should just do the whole series again, a second time. >> exactly. >> stephen: now, let's put our cards on the table time. after doing this for six years and being finished nine months ago shooting this, how much do you want to talk about something other than "downton abbey"? do you watch any other tv? >> yes. >> yes. >> stephen: what do you binge watch? >> i just watched the entire season of "narcos" on netflix. a show that shouldn't work.
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don't understand, and you know the ending, and it's set in a country far, far away. but i was completely hooked. i thought it was brilliant. >> stephen: anybody else, any other binge? >> "the affair." >> stephen: oh, yeah. that's more britith people pretending they have american accents. >> exactly. >> stephen: what i like about particularly your american accents, a lot of british people when they are doing american accents they sound angry all the time-- "now, let me tell you one thing here, folks. i'll tell you how i feel about that." what's next for you guys? are there going to be any spin offs, like "downton after dark?" "ice road downton's?" "c.s.i.: cotswolds." ( laughter ) >> i think there should be a mary and edith spin-off like "death becomes her" where we eventually push each others down the airs. plastic surgery. >> stephen: after six years 100 years ago, what do you guys want to do next? what's the plan? >> i just finished a movie with gillian anderson.
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i went from a earl to a viceroy. played lord mountbatatn in a movie about the partition of india with gillian playing my wife. >> stephen: you sound like a man who is just addicted to gold brocade. >> yeah, i have huge range, yes. ( laughter ). >> stephen: well, surely you guys want to rest or something like that? >> what was it maggie said? she said now you finish what you want to do, maggie. she said, "i want to have a lie down." >> yeah, "in a dark room." >> in a "dark room." >> stephen: that's nice. perhaps that would be a good show, too. ( laughter ) well, hugh, michelle, allen, thank you so much. congratulations on an amazinin tv-changing television show and good luck with the future. thank you so much. >> thank you. >> stephen: the final season of "downton abbey" premieres january 3 at 9:00 on masterpiece on pbs.
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>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. look, folks, i don't think i'm telling any secrets out of school here when i say i like candy. especially reese's. and not just the cups. i like the reese's miniatures, reese's big cup peanut butter cups, dark chocolate peanut butter cups, white peanut butter cups, reese's pieces, reese's icks, reese's sticks minis, reese's nutrageous, reese's fast break candy bar, reese's crispy crunchy bar, reese's spread and reese's snack mix. and i'm sure it's all perfectly good for you because they test it on a rhesus monkey. ( laughter ) and this time of year, reese's makes special christmas peanut
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okay? the reese's for jesus. ( laughter ) but now there's a problem with these candies shaped like trees: they're not. >> reese's trying to get into the holiday spirit with christmas tree shaped peanut butter cups. >> reese's fans sharing pictures of the holiday treat that are a lot more round than your typical christmas tree. >> it doesn't look like a tree. >> it doesn't. >> it looks like a piece of doo- doo. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: well, yes. but i prefer to think of it as a yule log. and i agree that reese's needs to step up their game. don't tell me reese's you can't make something into a tree shape. we're the country that turned chicken into nuggets, and then turned those nuggets into dinosaurs. if we can dream it, we can eat it. and i'm-- uh...
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i'm sorry. i need to stop here for a second. let me be honest with you. i'm a bit distracted and it's not just the macbeth thing. we're having a huge technical problem with the show. you might not notice it at home, but it's hard to focus right now because when i came into the theater today, i got jack- slapped with the shocking sight of one of the light bulbs on my broadway marquee burnt out. show them what i'm talking about, jimmy. boom! look at that. look at this. boom! right there! there is it is. below the "b"! what the hell is going on? what is that? what is this? how did this happen? what does it mean? are we canceled? is cbs pulling the plug on us one light bulb at a time? so i'm not sure what to do here, but i don't think i can continue with the show until i do something about this, which
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"how many stephen colberts does it take to change a light bulb?" well hopefully, just one, because i'm pretty expensive. all right. let's do this thing. come on, let's do it. i'm going to change this light bulb right now. come on! wooo! wooo! come on! ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: we'll talk about this later. okay. here-- wait a second. what am i doing? this-- this whole marquee is just a pagan temple to my own vanity. we've got to start thinking seriously about our energy consumption and how it impacts the world around us, and somebody has to take action and,
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that person is me and that day is today. ( applause ) perfect. plus now i don't have to change the bulb for another seven years as long as the rest of you don't get any crazy ideas! stick around, we'll be right back with adam mckay. ( cheers and applause ) ( applause ) i wish i may, i wish i might, have the wish i wish tonight wishes do come true. the lincoln wish list event is on. right now get exceptional offers on the entire lincoln family. during the final days of thelincoln wish list event get your choice of mkc, mkz gasor hybrid
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my next guest is the director of the "anchorman" movies, "talladega nights," and now "the big short." >> hi, lawrence. >> we have no confidence in your ability to identify macro- economic trends. >> you flew here to tell me that? why? anyone can see that there's a real estate bubble. >> actually, no one can see a bubble. that's what makes it a bubble. >> tt's dumb, lawrence.. mortgage fraud, quintupled since 2000, and average takehome pay, it's flat, but home prices are soaring.
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not assets. >> so mike bury a guy who gets his hair cut at super cuts and doesn't wear shoes knows more than allen greenspan and hank paulson. >> dr. mike bury. yes, he does. >> stephen: please welcome, adam mckay. ( cheers and applause ) >> wow. i can't believe that's your band. ah! >> stephen: good to see you. how are you? >> i'm good. >> stephen: you look good. >> can we kind of ignore them and have s se intimate here-- >> stephen: let's talk for a second. >> how are you? >> stephen: i'm all right, i'm all right. >> life is crazy though
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about? they're getting really uncomfortable right now. >> stephen: i don't know who you're talking about. ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ) >> we got applause for that. >> stephen: a change is as good a holiday, my friend. thank you for being here. >> my pleasure. i haven't done a lot of talk shows. i'm a director, can i smoke? how does that work. >> stephen: legally you can. >> all right, cool. it's marijuana. >> stephen: do you really have pot? >> no, i do not. >> stephen: i was just curious because we could make a little news right here. >> i'm a mormon. >> stephen: really. >> yeah, yeah. >> stephen: good for you. >> i'm not a mormon. i'm not a mormon. and i do have pot. >> stephen: you do? >> yes. >> stephen: you know why this conversation in no way surprises me? >> why is that? >> stephen: because i've known you since the early '90s. >> that's true. >> stephen: and this is one of the first things i ever heard about you. back in chicago, one of the
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you was you put up this flier for a show you were going to do. it says, "attention, on february 28, adam mckay, age 23, will kill himself during the performance of "virtual reality." no joke. friday at midnight. ( laughter ) adam, how did the show go? ( laughter ) >> it was a great crowd. >> stephen: yup, uh-huh. what was the point of this, adam? >> actually, we-- that was the upright citizens brigade. we were back in the '90s. we started this little weird comedy group, and i had the idea of advertising my own suicide. so this is how cool chicago is. you could never do this in new york city or l.a. i actually went to the owner of, like, a giant building, and said, "hey, man. can i get on top of your building and pretend to commit suicide?" and the guy was like, "yeah."
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so we went on top of this building, and i threw a c.p.r. dummy of myself off this building, and then ran all the way downstairs while a friend of ourselves pretended to be the grim reaper, and we bribed him, and i came back to life, and we ran back into the theater and continued our sketch comedy show. so it was one of those shows. we've all seen that show, yeah, yeah. >> stephen: exactly. well, you know, back then when i remember about improvising in chicago is never having any money because i would not get paid to do anything. >> yes. >> stephen: and i was very thin at the time because i couldn't afford food. >> yes. >> stephen: what did you do for food? how did you feed yourself back then? because you've got a big train to pull. >> exactly. >> stephen: you're a big guy. >> i'm a big guy. i like the way you phrase that, by the way. >> stephen: you're welcome. >> i always say the lowest paying job in america is improvisor right underneath poet and person who makes no attempt to have a job. those are the -- >> stephen: right. >> so we were broke. and i was with the original
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poehler, ian roberts. so we came up with these ways to get free pizzas. so i would call up a pizza shop and i would say, "hey, you know, it's dick grenfield from the alderman's office. we're having a little party over here. you know, we helped you with your license, if you know what i mean. maybe you can help us out." and the guy would go, "okay, what do you want?" and i would go, "two large pepperoni, large sausage, if you know what i mean." i kept saying that. i was, like, 24, so i thought the phrase for corruption was, "if you know what i mean." ( laughter ) which turns out it is. and so-- and then my friends would drive to the pizza shop and pick up, like, four pizzas for free. and we would eat them. ( laughter ). >> stephen: wow. have you used that skill as an adult in any way? >> i did-- my favorite one is we were in college. i went to temple university in
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( cheers and applause ). >> thank you. and one day i was sitting around with about three or four friends and we were actually-- actually, speaking of marijuana, very high-- and i said i'm going to call the philadelphia phillies and make a trade. ( laughter ) this is true. this is actually a true story. >> stephen: i understand, i understand. >> i called the phillies and i knew a little bit about baseball and the g.m. at the time was a guy called bill giles. i knew the red sox guy was lou gorman and i picked up the phone, and i dialed the philly's general number, and i said, "it's lou--" i lowered my voice because i was like 20 at the at the time. i'm like, "it's lou for bill." "one second please." and the secretary picked up, "bill giles office," "yeah, it's lou for bill. is he around?" "one second, please." pause, pause, pause, "hey, lou,
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i'm like, "i'm good, man. we like what randy ready is doing for you at second base. we've got a left arm if you're interested." and there's just a long pause. and he just goes, "who the hell is this?" ( laughter ) and i went, "aaah!" and my friends were like half out of it. and i was like that actually just happened. yeah. >> stephen: speaking of conning people, let's talk about wall street. ( laughter ) you've got a new movie called "the big short." >> that does not sound very american. i don't like that attitude. >> stephen: really? well, listen back in 2008 when "the big short" takes place people were pretty angry with wall street. we have forgotten how angry people were with wall street. even just seven years later, we've forgotten that there were basically almost pitchforks in the street. so the movie is called "the big short," and it's about how a small group of men bet against the american economy because they saw a bubble coming that nobody else saw. who are these guys and what do they do?
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story of these kind of outsiders, and fortunately we have an amazing cast, christian bale, steve carell, who you know very well. and ryan gosling, brad pitt -- >> stephen: those are sexy guys. >> sexy guys, those are good- looking guys and i saw all of them with their shirts off. not in a creepy way, in a professional way. >> stephen: in a professionally creepy way. >> exactly. which describes hollywood, actually. so these real guys saw the bubble before anyone else saw it, and they went into it really believing in the market. they really thought when there's a bad investment, you have to have counter-investment. that's the way the market works. and what they realized halfway through is oh, my god, the entire system is bought and paid for. and it really kind of overwhelmed them, and you see them go from thinking they have this great investment to realizing everything they believed in is not true. >> stephen: because "the big short" is, and shorting, for
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shorting is basically an investment that an investment value will go down and you make money off of the reduction value of someone else's investment, right? >> exactly, exactly. >> stephen: and they decide all these mortgages, this huge mortgage bubble we had had to go down at some point and they bet against it, and then they begin to feel terrible that they're going to win their bet. >> yes, they feel terrible, and then they also realize the entire system is bought and paid for. and when i met with the real guys, you could tell they still have this kind of 1,000-yard stare about it. everything they believed in wasn't true. the s.e.c., ratings agencies, the big banks, government, media, all sort of captured by the big banks. >> stephen: hillary clinton came on the show, she came on the show and she said if this happened again she would break up the banks and she wouldn't bail them out. do you, do you-- do you think that would be the right thing to do based on what you learned? >> i would say, with all due respect-- she was secretary of state, former senator-- that is adorable. >> stephen: you don't believe her? >> no, i do not believe her.
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in all my guests. you can't perjure yourself. >> do you really? >> stephen: yeah. there was a bible underneath your seat upstairs. >> there was an iron man comic i put my hand on. >> stephen: either one will do. >> by the way, i think hillary clinton is a great public servant. but, no, until you change certain laws the banks are definitely still too big to fail. until that is changed you have to bail them out because otherwise the world economy collapses. i don't like it, but for her to say she will not bail out the banks. i saw that interview and i was like no way, you have to. >> stephen: all right, i'd like to see you two fight. >> she's got a great ground game, but i'm better -- >> stephen: and a security team. ( laughter ) >> stephen: adam thanks for being here, man. >> my pleasure. >> stephen: if you want to spark up that joint, now is the time. "the big short" opens in new york and los angeles this friday and nationwide on december 23. we'll be right back.
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>> stephen: and now, performing
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gentlemen, kurt vile! >> i woke up this morning didn't recognize the man in the mirror then i laughed and i said, "oh silly me, that's just me" then i proceeded to brush some stranger's teeth but they were my teeth, and i was weightless just quivering like some leaf come in the window of a restroom i couldn't tell you what the hell it was supposed to mean but it was a monday, no a tuesday, no wednesday, thursday, friday then saturday came around and i said "who's this stupid clown blocking the bathroom sink?" all he ever wanted was to be
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that was just like all i want is to just have fun live my life like a son of a aun i could be one thousand miles away but still mean what i say then i woke up one morning didn't recognize the man in the mirror then i laughed and i said, "oh silly me, that's just me" then i proceeded to not comb some stranger's hair never was my style but i couldn't tell you what the hell it was supposed to mean because it was a monday, no a tuesday, no wednesday, thursday, friday then saturday came around and i said "who's this stupid clown blocking the bathroom sink?" but he was sporting all my
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i gotta say pretty pimpin' all he ever wanted was to be a man but he was always a little too cute to be a minute under marbles lost he was always a thousand miles away while still standing in front of your face then he woke up this morning didn't recognize the boy in the mirror then laughed and said, "oh silly me, that's just me" then i proceeded to brush some stranger's teeth but they were my teeth, and i was weightless just quivering like some leaf come in the window of a restroom and i couldn't tell you what the hell it was supposed to mean cause it was a monday, no a
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thursday, friday then saturday came around and i said, "who's this stupid clown blocking the bathroom sink?" but he was sporting all my clothes i gotta say pretty pimpin' ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: kurt vile.
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we'll be right back. >> stephen: now stick around for james corden. good night, everybody! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh
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